Im at strip club and am horny
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
