JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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