Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
