1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
