So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
