Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
