I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
