he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
