Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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