I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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