The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
