my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
