If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
