well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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