It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
