after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
When are your genitals available?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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