I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
