i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
50% drunk capacity currently
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
