Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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