What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
