What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The power of my boobs compel you
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
All the doctor said was why
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
