My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
