I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
