i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
