Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
