Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
