Tell her she can't have a vagina
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
