went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
