It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
