yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
