he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
