You smell like stripper and shame
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Sorry my hands just texted you
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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