im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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