he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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