I just cut my nipple shaving
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
