you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
