i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm both gender and math confused
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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