Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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