Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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