exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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