This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
