Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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