I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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