Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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