Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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