I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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