Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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