watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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