I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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