There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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