i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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