All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
