Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
