so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
