I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
