were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My dick has a subreddit
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
