The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
