doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
