It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Help. Why am I so naked?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
