in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
