alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Is it because I queefed?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
