i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So much Jack, so little girl.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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