I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
